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stallion
28 Posts |
 Posted - 01/25/2009 : 19:27:59
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Guys, just want some constructive advice. Recently heard that a coach and player quit our team because there was to much yelling from the other assistant coaches. We mostly yell at our own kids. I would say that I do it because, i know my child and how to motivate him. I understand the concern of the other parent and i am not judging. How do you balance your relationship with your child and how you manage him so that it does not effect other players and parents? The two coaches that are the culprits(me being one of them)kids probly are the most talented kids on the team. I myself expect alot from my kid and we are very comfortable with our relationship. The coach that quit, who I thought I was close to did not come to me and voice his concern. He just up and quit. He voiced it to the head coach and other people but never mentioned it to the other coach and me. I think that it was a shame because the other coach and myself or pretty fair minded people and are willing to grow as people. What is the best way to deal with this type of situation in the future. I know that everyone has varying ways of parenting.
Hey just a parent and coach looking for growth. |
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toprank
138 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2009 : 08:14:22
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| I agree no one knows what motivates their own kid better than the parent. You have to do what you think is best to get the most out of them. I can't imagine a coach and player would leave a team for "one" thing like that, there was probably a combination of things, sometimes you don't know why a parent or player chooses to leave a team. I have seen people leave teams because of financial reasons, because other families or players on a team left, because their spouse pushed them into leaving, because their son said he wasn't having fun anymore, because they thought the team wouldn't win. Because they didn't like the drive to the park, they didn't like the schedule, they didn't like praying before a game, they wanted to pray before a game, they may feel their son wasn't going to improve, player may have wanted to play a position he probably wouldn't get a chance to play. They didn't like the uniforms, there are so many reasons it's almost impossible to know why a player leaves a team. You might never know exactly. Some people just want to move on, but when people keep asking they just say whatever is convenient for them at the time. If you are closer with this coach than other people you can be pretty sure the reason they gave you is probably why they really left. Either way, your team is probably better off without this coach. |
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longhorn1
63 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2009 : 15:51:31
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| I am an admitted nut case when it comes to my kid. I was giving my kid the business about I do not remember what (that was how important it was) and my father, who also was my coach growing up was at the game. Believe me my dad was never easy on me. After the game he said to me: "he was trying his best, physical errors and mistakes happen at every level of the game." The one that really rang home for me was when he said that the problem (I was yelling) was not that my son could not hear me but maybe I was not saying the right things. No matter how loud I was! That really stung and I have tried to learn from that day and will never forget that moment. |
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mechanicsplus
64 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2009 : 10:22:55
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Stallion,
What a great, insightful post that gets right to the heart of a huge concern in youth sports. While coaching my sons Travel teams, or assisting, I knew how to push the right buttons that usually angered him but got the improved focus and performance I knew he was capable of producing. Really that's all I knew as that's how we were call coached "in the day." But at what cost? Fortunately, I often coached with a very even-keeled guy who, along with my positive and patient wife, helped me see how my behavior was going to negatively affect my relationship with my son (he's my 4th and youngest child, but only boy, you would have thought I would have already learned this).
The 1st question to ask is why do I treat my child with less consideration than I would use with the other players? No youngster wants to be singled out and verbally assaulted. The 2nd point is that as adults dealing with pre-puberescent boys, they will hear you because they know they have no choice. However, once puberty hits that changes and you could be shut out on all fronts! When my son hit puberty, his attention, focus and performance zoomed to new heights because he just grew up. Thank goodness I changed before pushing him away from the game we both love and from me!
I heard the experts and came to realize that the best advice and course of action is to be their #1 fan and supporter, on and off the field. There is too many opportunities to fail on a baseball field that they must learn to get through. During practice or the game, it's ok to point out mental lapses but physical mistakes and other performance issues can best be addressed in the next practice as a Team exercise.
Now, he is a 17yr. Junior starting on his H.S. team looking to play in college, and as such, quit taking baseball advice from me a number of years ago (as teenagers do on all fronts). But, as his biggest fan/supporter these past 4-5 yrs, he always communicates with me (as we're hitting in the cage or throwing) but on his terms. If I had not changed, there wouldn't be much communicating going on now. Moreover, he's progressed much further than he would have had I stayed that "intensely" and negatively involved in his on-field performance.
By the way, I still struggle with that behavior modification and occassionally enjoy verbally abusing H.S. umpires but they deserve it, don't you think? Longhorn1 has it figured out, thanks to his Dad.
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longhorn1
63 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2009 : 21:47:54
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| I once heard a saying "...that my father was the stupidest man that I knew when I was 17, when I was 24 I could not believe how much the old man had learned in in 7 years. |
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BBall123
395 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2009 : 09:08:49
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Stallion,
Heres a point that has not been brought up yet that has really helped me and my boy with the relationship of father son/player coach.
I heard this at a footall coaches clinic and MAN it really hit home!
Even if the coach is a Hard A or what ever, The players get to leave him after practices and games UNLESS hes the coaches son.
When you get in the car, Turn back into Dad,leave Coach on the field!
This has made a HUGE difference in our relationship and my Sons happiness.
It was a hard lesson to learn, I felt I was making him better ( he was getting all this extra instruction/criticism).
WRONG!! He needed a break too, and a Dad not just coach ALL THE TIME!
The BOLD and CAPS are to remind me, I have to remind myself all the time. Because I love him, I want to do everything I can for him to help him be successful.
You are headed in the right direction :-) |
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Different methods of motivation ann coaching
